Good grief!? Is there such a thing?

Grief is an inevitable, inescapable part of life.

Grief can be defined as a reaction to any form of loss that encompasses a range of feelings from deep sadness to anger, and the process of adapting to a significant loss can vary dramatically from one person to another, depending on his or her background, beliefs, relationship to what was lost, and other factors.

Grief is not linear. Maybe you have heard that grief begins with denial, which leads to anger to bargaining to depression, and resolving with acceptance. Each of these responses represents a type of coping or defense mechanism for dealing with death. Most grief experts acknowledge that some of those stages may be experienced; however, they express that grief experiences are more diverse and fluid, differing significantly in duration and intensity across cultures and individuals.

How long does grief last? The degree and length of grief are highly inconsistent, not only for the same person over time or following different losses but also for distinct individuals coping with comparable losses. Numerous factors contribute to the intensity and duration of grief (Zisook & Shear, 2009):

• An individual's personality

• Attachment style

• Genetic characteristics and unique vulnerabilities

• Age, health, spirituality, cultural identity

• Available support systems and resources

• The number of losses experienced

• The nature of the relationship and the type of loss, such as whether it was sudden or gradual, anticipated or unanticipated

• Natural or caused by suicide, accident, or homicide

Types of Grief.

• Acute Grief - Occurs during the initial period after the loss and includes strong feelings like yearning, longing, and sadness, along with anxiety, bitterness, anger, remorse, guilt, and/or shame. Thoughts are focused on the person who died, and it can be challenging to think about anything else.

• Integrated Grief - Occurs as a result of the adaptation to the loss. When a person adapts to loss, grief is not over. Instead, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to their loss integrate into ways that allow them to remember and honor the deceased person. Grief finds a place in their life.

• Disenfranchised Grief - According to Brene Brown, this type of grief is not openly acknowledged or publicly supported through mourning practices or rituals because the experience is not valid or counted by others as a loss (though it is). Grief examples include grief caused by parental divorce, loss of an unborn child and/or infertility, losses experienced by a survivor of sexual assault, and loss of community or identity because of change. Losses can include loss of prior worldview, loss of trust, loss of self-identity and self-esteem, loss of freedom, and loss of safety and security.

• Complicated Grief - Occurs when something interferes with adaption. It is a condition where the grief takes hold of and does not let go resulting in trobling thoughts, dysfunctional behaviors, and difficulty regulating emotions, which make it harder for the person to adapt to life without their loved one.

• Traumatic Grief - a form of grief that happens in response to a sudden, unexpected loss, like losing a child, experiencing the violent death of someone close, or losing your support system. Some symptoms include nightmares, difficulty sleeping, avoidance of activities, fear, anxiety, shakiness or trembling, nausea or loss of appetite, trouble breathing, muscle weakness, and dry mouth.

When should someone consider seeing a counselor? There is no one "right" way to grieve, and there is no set timeline for how long the grieving process should last. Normal grief typically involves a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. These feelings may come and go in waves and may be triggered by reminders of the loss. However, over time, the intensity and frequency of these emotions tend to lessen, and the person can gradually adjust to life without the person or thing that was lost. However, some signs may indicate that someone is experiencing complicated or prolonged grief and may benefit from professional help.

Grief counseling is designed to help people process and cope with a loss -- whether that loss is a friend, family member, pet, or other life circumstance. Counselors may take different approaches to help clients tackle their grief. Regardless, grief counseling helps to navigate intense emotions, rebuild routine, and redefine identity. It can also help you develop coping skills, improve self-awareness, and make meaning of the loss.

Is grief counseling effective? According to a study published in Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy in 2017, individuals who underwent grief counseling following the loss of a loved one reported fewer symptoms over time, indicating that grief counseling can be an effective method for managing grief and promoting long-term healing.

Grief is a natural response to loss, but it can also be a difficult experience. While everyone grieves differently, some signs may indicate that someone is experiencing complicated or prolonged grief that may benefit from professional help. Barriers to accessing grief counseling, such as stigma, lack of awareness, cultural and religious beliefs, financial concerns, time constraints, distance, and fear, can prevent individuals from receiving the support they need. Counselors can play an important role in helping individuals navigate these barriers and find effective ways to cope with their grief. Overall, it is essential to recognize that grief is a process that takes time and that seeking help when needed is a sign of strength and self-care.

References:

Brown, B. (2022). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Random House Large Print.

Zisook, S., & Shear, K. (2009). Grief and bereavement: what psychiatrists need to know. World Psychiatry, (8), 67–74. Retrieved March 15, 2023, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2691160/pdf/wpa020067.pdf.